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S03E06-Amy Jonah Tate Isaac

"Health Fund"
◀️ Sal's Dead Cloud 9 Superstore logo Christmas Eve ▶️  Transcript Script icon

Season: Three — Episode: 6
Director: Victor Nelli, Jr — Writer: Jackie Clarke — Aired: November 2, 2017 — Viewers (millions): 3.54
Summary: As Mateo turns to stranger and stranger home remedies for an ear infection, Amy and Jonah decide to offer an alternative to Cloud 9's terrible health insurance plan. Glenn enlists Dina to help him get medical attention for his own embarrassing condition.

Cast

Generic nametag Episode Cast
Main Cast
Featured

Also see Season Three minor employees.

Plot

Quote
Do me a kindness Glenn and look at my penis.
EndQuote
— Tate to Glenn
In the Break Room, Mateo is groaning due to an ear infection. Cloud 9's health plan has a $4000 deductible so no employee can afford to go to a doctor. This starts the staff offering home remedies for various illnesses. Amy uses VapoRub, Isaac advocates breast milk, while Marcus calls root beer the perfect food. Dina mentions she had a cancerous mole removed which peaks Glenn's interest. In Glenn's Office, Glenn is on the phone with an automated attendant trying to get an appointment with a dermatologist as he has a mole on his "bathing suit area". Amy is making a collection jar for Mateo and asks Jonah's opinion on the best jar sign. He is disgusted that every time a staff member is sick, they have to scramble to collect money. Amy flippantly says they can't collect money before it's needed as planning isn't the staff's forté. This gives Jonah an idea for a health fund to which Amy sarcastically says that Jonah has solved health care.



S03E06-Isaac Justine Marcus
Breast milk helps anything.
At the Pharmacy, Mateo asks Tate for meds without doctor's authorization to which Tate indignantly refuses. He then beckons Mateo to a side counter where there is a blind spot from the store's cameras and asks him what he wants. Tate pulls out a pill stash, samples one himself, retrieves antibiotics for Mateo and arranges for payment. In the Break Room, Glenn sits with Dina and Sandra and asks how Dina figured out her mole was cancerous. Dina offers to take a look at Glenn's mole. Due to the mole's location, Glenn refuses to let Dina look. But when she mentions that the longer he waits, the more doctors will have to cut out (while she is slicing an apple with a knife), Glenn becomes visibly worried. In the store, Jonah proposes to a group of staff that they all contribute $20 monthly for a health fund. Marcus believes it is a pyramid scheme while Isaac smells socialism. Amy makes fun of the proposal but when Kelly offers to pitch money in, the rest of the staff follow.



S03E06-Dina eats apple
They just keep cutting 'til there's nothing left.
In his office, Glenn looks up "mole penis" on the internet and is shocked by the image results. Garrett comes into the office for his review so Glenn slams the monitor down and tells him to come back later. Sandra is overjoyed to get an inhaler from the health fund and hugs Jonah. Jonah gloats over his accomplishment to Amy. At the Pharmacy, Glenn has Tate examine the mole on his penis but Tate also drops his pants and won't examine Glenn until he looks at his penis. Reluctantly, Glenn does look and is shocked by what he sees. A number of staff are discussing looking forward to receiving health care and praise Jonah's efforts. After Kelly remarks that Jonah is so smart, Amy mentions that she had a part in the idea. The staff patronizing thank her which she picks up on. Marcus pours root beer into Mateo's ear.



S03E06-Glenn Tate Pharmacy
You think your penis is better than mine?
In the Surveillance Office, Glenn draws a picture of the mole on his penis for Dina but she says she needs to see the actual mole to make a diagnosis. Marcus approaches Amy to sign a thank you card for Jonah which results in her seeking out Jonah and mentioning that it was her idea which led to the fund. She denies wanting credit but Jonah announces her contribution on the P.A. system and then tells Amy that the fund is a disaster. In Glenn's office, Glenn is behind a sheet with a hole in it and asks Dina to pretend that it isn't him when he sticks his penis through the hole. Jonah shows Amy that health claims worth $37,000 have been made in the first 4 hours of the plan and they see that certain staff have many health problems. Glenn puts his penis through the hole but Dina can't see any mole since it is on the underside. She uses a pencil to lift it up.



S03E06-Amy Jonah w Sandra sketch
Sandra drew a picture to save time.
Amy and Jonah meet with the staff who have made many health claims and diplomatically tell them that the fund isn't available to them and return their contributions. Sandra gets uncharacteristically upset, won't accept she's out of the plan and tells them to figure out a solution. Dina doesn't know if the mole is cancerous and suggests sending a photo to her doctor. As she's taking a picture, Garrett returns for his review. He's stunned by what he sees and rolls away mumbling. A man in a suit leaves his business card in the collection jar for Mateo. (♫ Air Supply – All Out of Love ♫) In the Break Room, Amy and Jonah meet with the staff and announce that they are not ejecting anyone from the fund but are dividing them into two groups based on projected health expenses with Group A paying less than Group B.



S03E06-Glenn Dina Garrett penis
That's Glenn's penis.
The announcement results in shouting from everyone and Marcus says Amy and Jonah are ripping everyone off. Staff question how the grouping was created and it is revealed that Marcus' leg is infected so he shouldn't be in Group A. Time passes and the plan has now turned into an extremely complicated multi-tiered plan which no one is happy with. Sandra is angry that live-in nursing isn't offered for her invalid boyfriend Jerry. Isaac thinks the plan should cover everything, exclude no one but be affordable. Marcus suggests that the fund be restricted to those that can pass "Ninja Warrior" type tests. Marcus pares this down to jumping on a table and Isaac takes him up on the challenge. Isaac completed the "feat" and while everyone is cheering, the table collapses, flinging Isaac into the glass of a vending machine.



S03E06-Isaac crash into vending machine
The ginger giant falls.
Isaac is seen at the Pharmacy where Tate is using super glue to seal his cuts but Tate's surgical glove becomes glued to Isaac's face. Garrett gives Mateo the collection jar which he decides to use to buy an expensive bag instead of treating his ear infection. Doc is seen mini-putting. (♫ Bob Marley - Could You Be Loved ♫) In the Storm Shelter, Amy and Jonah are hiding from the staff and drinking beer. Kelly joins them which Amy doesn't appear to like. In Glenn's office, Dina and Glenn are waiting for a call from Dina's doctor. Glenn regrets never having a biological child and realizes if he has penis cancer he may never have one. The doctor calls with good news much to Glenn's relief. Glenn thanks Dina who reminds him that she has a picture of his penis. After she leaves Glenn says he's going to have a baby.



S03E06-Amy Jonah Kelly Storm Shelter
Amy doesn't seem to care for Yahtzee.

Running Gags

References

  • Glenn says that ear infections are best treated with garlic oil which has the side benefit of making one smell like the Pope.
  • Amy's favorite cure-all is VapoRub.
  • Tate mistakes a pill for a SweeTart candy. He tells Mateo to meet him behind the Just for Men display.
  • As Jonah experiences initial success with the health fund, he gloats to Amy that he wonders if Obama felt as good as Jonah does when he passed Obama Care.
  • Jonah tells Amy that the health fund claims came in as fast as the opening credits in Star Wars.
  • Dina uses a broken Snoopy pencil to lift Glenn's penis up.
  • Jonah explains that Garrett is in health fund Group B because he eats too many Cheez-Its.
  • In the Break Room meeting where Amy and Jonah try to fix the health fund with the staff, two of the plan levels are Gryffindor from Harry Potter and Targaryen from Game of Thrones.
  • Marcus suggests that the health fund be restricted to those that can complete Ninja Warrior type challenges.
  • Mateo decides to use the money from his collection jar to buy a faux Gucci bag.
  • After Kelly joins Amy and Jonah in the Storm Shelter, she toasts them with "Yahtzee" as she drinks her beer.

Trivia

Gallery

Video

Superstore Season Three Episodes
Grand Re-OpeningBrett Is DeadPart-Time HiresWorkplace BullyingSal's DeadHealth FundChristmas EveViral VideoGolden Globes PartyHigh Volume StoreAngels and MermaidsGroundhog DayVideo Game ReleaseSafety TrainingAmnestyTargetDistrict ManagerLocal Vendors DayLotteryGender RevealAftermathTown Hall
Season OneSeason TwoSeason ThreeSeason FourSeason Five
ve Mateo nametag Superstore Season Three Episodes
S03E01-Glenn Howie mic    "Grand Re-Opening" September 28, 2017
Directed by: Matt Sohn - Written by: Justin Spitzer

The staff scramble to prepare the store, hours before the re-opening. (Viewers: 4.60 million)

S03E02-Brett memorial service    "Brett Is Dead" October 5, 2017
Directed by: Ryan Case - Written by: Sierra Teller Ornelas

The staff hold a memorial service for Brett, Amy is worried that Dina is dealing with anxiety, Jonah tries to learn about Garrett's past. (Viewers: 4.45 million)

S03E03-Jonah Glenn Emma    "Part-Time Hires" October 12, 2017
Directed by: Todd Biermann - Written by: Josh Malmuth

Emma gets a job at the store and Amy asks Jonah for parenting advise. Garrett and Dina argue over who broke up with whom, a cute construction worker flirts with Mateo, Cheyenne and Carol for store perks; Kelly has a rough first day. (Viewers: 4.33 million)

S03E04-Dina Jonah wrestle3    "Workplace Bullying" October 19, 2017
Directed by: Tristram Shapeero - Written by: Bridget Kyle and Vicky Luu

After an attempted robbery, tensions arise between Dina and Jonah. Glenn has a tough time firing a store security guard and Amy discovers her coworkers have been hanging out without her. (Viewers: 4.20 million)

S03E05-Staff in costumes    "Sal's Dead" October 26, 2017
Directed by: Geeta V. Patel - Written by: Gabe Miller

A dead body is discovered in the store on Halloween, throwing Glenn and Dina into a panic and confusing the shoppers. Amy and Garrett get into big trouble using a dating app on Jonah's phone, Mateo is transformed in more ways than one by Cheyenne. (Viewers: 4.61 million)

S03E06-Amy Jonah Tate Isaac    "Health Fund" November 2, 2017
Directed by: Victor Nelli, Jr - Written by: Jackie Clarke

As Mateo turns to stranger and stranger home remedies for an ear infection, Amy and Jonah decide to offer an alternative to Cloud 9's terrible health insurance plan. Glenn enlists Dina to help him get medical attention for his own embarrassing condition. (Viewers: 3.54 million)

S03E07-Store Christmas lights    "Christmas Eve" December 5, 2017
Directed by: Todd Biermann - Written by: Eric Ledgin

Trying to prove how wild she can be, Amy turns a boring Christmas Eve at the store into a holiday adventure. Jonah and Garrett's roommate issues boil over and Glenn tries to prove to Mateo that Christmas is more than just fine. (Viewers: 4.41 million)

S03E08-Amy raps in kitchen    "Viral Video" January 4, 2018
Directed by: Ken Whittingham - Written by: Jonathan Green

After an employee posts a controversial video online, Dina enlists Cheyenne to help police the rest of the staff's social media accounts. Amy learns something about Jonah that drives her to desperately pursue Instagram views, and Glenn suspects Mateo of rewards card fraud. (Viewers: 3.90 million)

S03E09-Amy's house dining room    "Golden Globes Party" January 11, 2018
Directed by: Victor Nelli, Jr - Written by: Vanessa Ramos

When Amy throws a party to prove how great she's doing post-divorce, she's forced to enlist Dina and Jonah's help, and Dina ends up making the ultimate sacrifice. Glenn and his wife Jerusha are forced to conduct some personal business at Amy's home. (Viewers: 3.85 million)

S03E10-Dina-Jonah-Amy pizza chart    "High Volume Store" January 18, 2018
Directed by: Jay Hunter - Written by: Owen Ellickson

When Jeff announces that the store could be getting an upgrade, Amy, Jonah and Dina set out to discover the pros and cons. Cheyenne accidentally volunteers to be a surrogate mother for Glenn's baby and tries to get out of it. (Viewers: 3.71 million)

S03E11-Cheyenne and Brandi    "Angels and Mermaids" January 25, 2018
Directed by: Michael Spiller - Written by: Justin Shanes

Amy finds herself caught in the middle of a conflict between Cheyenne and her ex-convict mom, Brandi. A personal agreement between Glenn and Dina gets heated when Glenn brings in a lawyer. When Jonah finds out that Kelly believes in angels, Garrett's perfect weekend plans of having the apartment to himself are threatened. (Viewers: 4.22 million)

S03E12-Amy Tate kissing    "Groundhog Day" February 1, 2018
Directed by: Jaffar Mahmood - Written by: Sierra Teller Ornelas

Still fresh from her divorce, Amy doesn't feel ready to start dating again. But when Mateo tries to set her up with his loser cousin, she gets determined to show everyone she can do better and breaks some hearts in the process. Dina takes advantage of her pregnancy to scam Glenn into accommodating her every whim. (Viewers: 3.46 million)

S03E13-Glenn Sandra w gamers    "Video Game Release" March 1, 2018
Directed by: America Ferrera - Written by: Jackie Clarke

When gamers invade the store for the release of a hot new video game, Jonah tries to help Amy secure herself a copy of the game, which takes them on an unexpected adventure. Mateo helps Garrett make a good impression on one of his heroes. Glenn and Sandra try to stand up for themselves with customers and end up instigating a breastfeeding "nurse-in." (Viewers: 3.38 million)

S03E14-Staff mopping    "Safety Training" March 8, 2018
Directed by: Rebecca Asher - Written by: Bridget Kyle and Vicky Luu

When Mateo gets injured, Jonah tries to help him avoid Cloud 9 compensation for fear of his immigration status being revealed. Meanwhile, Amy attempts to convince everyone that she likes Kelly. (Viewers: 3.37 million)

S03E15-a-ha kiss    "Amnesty" March 15, 2018
Directed by: Keith Powell - Written by: Eric Ledgin

Glenn and Dina offer amnesty to all the employees for any bad things they confess so Garrett and Cheyenne try to decide how to take advantage of it. Meanwhile, Jonah and Amy try to defuse an awkward situation that has the whole store gossiping. (Viewers: 3.93 million)

S03E16-Garrett Glenn Cheyenne target    "Target" March 22, 2018
Directed by: Daniella Eisman - Written by: Jonathan Green and Gabe Miller

When Jeff leaves Cloud 9 to work at Target, Garrett leads Glenn to believe that he's poaching other employees to go with him. In return Glenn tries to poach employees from Target. Amy goes on a double date with Dina and, Kelly and Jonah discuss moving in together. (Viewers: 3.85 million)

S03E17-Myrtle driving truck    "District Manager" March 29, 2018
Directed by: Alex Reid - Written by: John Kazlauskas

Laurie, the new district manager, visits the store and decides to make some cuts to save money by firing Myrtle. Amy and Jonah plead with her to not fire anyone and search for other ways to make up the money. Mateo struggles to prove his skills on the cash register. (Viewers: 2.94 million)

S03E18-Jerusha Dina stork    "Local Vendors Day" April 5, 2018
Directed by: Geeta V. Patel - Written by: Josh Malmuth

When local small businesses set up shop inside Cloud 9, Glenn tries to help his wife Jerusha sell her handmade needlepoint, despite Jonah's concerns that he's pressuring his employees. Meanwhile, Amy doesn't feel Latina enough when a guy flirts with her in Spanish, and Garrett tries to uncover the truth behind a beer vendor's product. (Viewers: 3.17 million)

S03E19-Amy Jonah golf cart    "Lottery" April 12, 2018
Directed by: Ben Feldman - Written by: Vanessa Ramos

As lottery mania sweeps the store, Dina incentivizes the employees to sell as many tickets as possible. Jonah helps Amy track down the new district manager to lobby for a raise. (Viewers: 3.08 million)

S03E20-Glenn Jerusha Dina at doctor    "Gender Reveal" April 19, 2018
Directed by: Tristram Shapeero - Written by: Lauren Ash

The store hosts a gender reveal party for Glenn and his wife Jerusha, just as Dina is freaking out at the realities of having to deliver a baby. Amy receives some unsettling news. (Viewers: 2.76 million)

S03E21-Staff photo    "Aftermath" April 26, 2018
Directed by: Ryan Case - Written by: Justin Shanes and Owen Ellickson

Amy and Jonah deal with the consequences of their kiss. Glenn and Dina enlist Garrett's help to win the store a visit from Cloud 9's CEO. (Viewers: 2.85 million)

S03E22-CEO speaks    "Town Hall" May 3, 2018
Directed by: Matt Sohn - Written by: Justin Spitzer

As the store prepares to host a company-wide Town Hall meeting, Amy and Jonah are forced to put their conflicts aside and rally their co-workers to confront the CEO. Glenn struggles with the pressure of speaking to a global audience. (Viewers: 2.97 million)

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